I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
