Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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