So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
