alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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