i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
