Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize