I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
