someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
did i walk over a car last night?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
