I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Randomize
