alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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