cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
God, I missed his penis.
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