girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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