Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
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