i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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