I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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