It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
