Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
We're too hungover to prance.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
