yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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