There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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