Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
