If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
