Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
