He disabled his match.com account in front of me
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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