it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
