You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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