Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Enjoy the penises
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
