we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
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