Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
