even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Randomize
