I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Randomize
