now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
