also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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