yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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