I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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