Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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