Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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