I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
