Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
