We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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