there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
she told me i tasted like america
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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