I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
