Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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