I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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