Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
