I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Randomize
