hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Welp...herpes.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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