the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Who died my cat blue again?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
