Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
