Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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