It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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