i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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