You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
