she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
