Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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