The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
