Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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