I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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