i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
