There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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