I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
